Friday, February 24, 2012

What's normal anyway?

I've been frequenting message board about loss and the trials and tribulations of losing a baby.  And I've found that the most commonly asked question is "When will this get better".  Now that is a heavy question, and the answer is even worse; "Who knows?" .  Its hard for me to write a lot of advice on loss and coping because coping is such a personal thing. There are so many emotions that a woman(or couple) can go through after a loss.  Feelings of failure, embarrassment, anger, jealousy, and outright rage.  Of course there is also simple sadness, which turns out its never simple. 

With my 2nd and third loss my main emotion was embarrassment. I wasn't aware that a woman could FEEL embarrassed by losing a baby. But I was. I had been excited and hopeful, all of those things that a new mom should be, but I was such a fool. I should've been skeptical and cautious.. Not happy.  I realize now that this was me being a normal Expectant mom! Not a deranged fool, but you could've fooled me then.

My best advice?  My last loss was in January of 2010, so its easy for me to sit back and say this, but I will anyway; Let time do its thing. Cry when you're sad and feel normal when you can, and just let the days pass until you feel ok with your new normal.  

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